Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Don't send this sentence to an editor

I'm in the middle of sifting through community announcements for the Centretown Buzz. You would not believe - or perhaps you would - how fast my eyeballs went skidding off this opening sentence:

The Sunday afternoon concert, CARMINA BURANA by Carl Orff, under the energetic direction of Music Director Kurt Ala-Kantti with participation of happy choristers of three choirs: Harmonia Choir of Ottawa, Ottawa Brahms Choir, and Cross Town Youth Choir and guests drawn from Nepean Choir and Tone Cluster , and with the tremendous support from most accomplished, professional fine musicians and soloists from the Ottawa scene, was a great success.

That subject is so far from the verb it needs a calling card to avoid roaming charges. 'Nuff said.


  1. OK, so I laughed out loud. Twice. I'm grateful I wasn't drinking coffee or something.

  2. That is an *awesome* first sentence! Sure, it could have been an article, instead, but everything you'd want to know is right there. XD Thanks for sharing!